Here in the open, sharp like the suns stinging rays, it’s a shock, a vessel of warmth from the bottom of the depths in the back of your mind. A memory, that feels like moments before, yet happened dimensions back.
It’s a touch from the depths of a cold time you tried to chain away and drown down to the bottom of your personal hell.
The feeling makes you feel electric in the most painful way possible. Every sharp pointed arrow rushes down your insides starting at the top of your throat and down to your gut that you ever so baldy wish to rip out and toss out of your sight.
Something so euphoric, like the touch of soft fingertips trailing across your every curve, bump and line of your temple, now feels invasive and abnormal.
I could once appreciate the taste of smoke between your lips. The sharp stare in your eyes that made everyone hide away was a place I found comfort, more comfort than an innocent child being protected in her mothers embrace.
I thought once I hid and locked all these past memories beneath the depths of the still ocean in the back of my mind they shall never rise to conquer my “clear” conscience.
Yet who was I to fool that a soul that took over my world could be sent away forever.
Uprising beneath the black water tides comes that ever glowing face that could end all my personal wars, yet I ever so baldy wish to scratch and carve away at. I never wanted you here in a life I recreated piece by piece without you. I never wanted to feel your warmth that you coated my whole body with. And now that you are here, you have again taken over all the deep waters where I find a place below to rest my head.
I feed off control, and you have taken it away.
Insanity has become my home.
Fear is my preferred drink.
Lust is my bible.
And you are now the suns stinging rays.
- Cassie Angelakoudis
I hate talking about depressing shit, but its so irritating to not be able to sit with both your parents and have an intellectual conversation with both of them in the same room. They both just sit there and cut each other up and put each other down.
For one, as their “child”, do not deserve or need to hear my father put down my mother because its morally wrong, and I do not deserve to hear my mother call my father an asshole and other rude and disgusting things.
Its been like this for years and I wish I could snap my fingers and let it all change. I ignore it as best as I can, and I just do my own thing, but you can only ignore something for so long until it blows up and gets worse.